I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
