I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
