everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize