oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize