i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
