i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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