It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
