The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
