are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
