Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
