she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
