Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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