went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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