She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
