i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
