her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
