if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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