You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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