he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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