it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
