i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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