ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
