peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
