My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
