Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
