then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
