God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
