it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
