I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
