If i come over, it means nothing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
