i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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