Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
