no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
