4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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