Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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