Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
