Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
