it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
