i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
