Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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