if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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