I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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