then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
