don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
