I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
