Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
