I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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