It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
