i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
