Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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