My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hippo gnu deer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
