I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
