did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
