I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
