when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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