I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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