i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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