You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
