Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize