Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
