Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
