I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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