I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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