i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found your dick twin last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
