Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize