i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
