some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
