I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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