She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
