Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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