I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
