i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
