Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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