Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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