I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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