Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
