it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
