she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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